Dad for a week: Tips from a pro

Guest blog post by my husband & fantastic dad of 1 week, Keith Simon.

“My day was good. I went to the doctor’s office, I taught a few classes, oh by the way I’m pregnant, and then I finished up this week’s programming.”

There was no surprise dinner, no “hey I got you something,” none of that. Just two people sitting at the dinner table, with one casually telling the other that their lives were about to change. I was excited and terrified all at once. No one really knows how they’re going to react or feel when they find out. Each day, week, and month that went by, we became more and more excited for the arrival of our baby girl. She must have been excited too, as she made her arrival 3 weeks early.

There were a ton of people offering advice to both of us during the pregnancy. I might as well throw my hat into the ring of experts (obviously) on what to expect during what is an incredible, life changing year. 

This is for the new dad’s. This, is the advice you didn’t ask for.

* Everyone has advice. Some great, some good, some bad, and some just weird. Some you ask for, but a lot of it comes free. There’s a natural instinct people have to share relatable stories when they hear life-changing news. Let them tell it. Think of it like a grocery store. Take what you want, walk past what you don’t. Not everything is for everyone. When people give advice, sometimes it isn’t so much for you as it is them feeling good. 

* You are an important person, but not the most important. “How are you?” will very quickly and permanently be replaced with “How is she doing?” It’s not that they don’t care about you, but everyone has a pretty good idea of what your contribution was. Don’t be offended.

* Your partner is going to go through a lot of changes. Mental, physical, emotional, all of it. Be as supportive of you can. 

* You both are expecting, SHE is pregnant. That’s hers. If you wouldn’t say “I’m pregnant,” than don’t steal her thunder. I actually didn’t think about this until we were expecting. 

* Read the books, together. Jenny and I each had a book or blog we followed each week and would read them to each other. It was helpful to know where each of us were from an emotional and “ready” standpoint at specific points during the past year.

* HAVE A BAG READY. Week 26, be ready to go.  HAVE A BAG READY.

* Whatever gift giving holiday or event that takes place during the pregnancy, gifts should still be for her. It can be easy to get her a gift that will be “good for when the baby is here.” But, the baby isn’t here yet. She’s still your wife or girlfriend (your wife is still your girlfriend btw). You’re going to get helpful items from people and can always buy things. Don’t stop loving on her.

I could write an entire book about everything you’ll experience at the hospital and delivering your baby. I’ll let Jenny tell as much of that as she wants. I can only say that my wife is a damn rockstar and we had an incredible team helping bring our beautiful daughter into the world.

Seeing as how I have been a parent for all of one week, I am clearly the expert on the subject. Here are a few things that have made an impact the past 7 days.

* Change the diaper. Be the first to offer to change the diaper. Feed the baby. Be the first to offer to feed the baby. Your wife is going to either push a child out of her or have her stomach cut open. You can get off the couch and wipe a tush. You only have to take care of a baby. She has to recover, and take care of a baby.

* Buy paper plates and plastic utensils. In bulk. Don’t spend extra time or energy with the dishes, you already have enough going on.  This has been a bigger help than you would think. 

* Baby clothes are really cute, and they are only going to be in them for so long. If she wants to buy a cute outfit, just get it (I am a huge tightwad, so I’m still working on this one).

* Define sleeping schedules and roles. Are you going to take shifts? Alternate? All hands on deck all the time? Don’t have a 2am “Well, what do you want to do?” Jenny and I at this point have taken shifts at night. It is what has worked for us, so far. But, we’ve talked about it, which is what’s most important.

* Did I mention the paper plates?

* Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, is going to want to come over. And they’re also going to want to help. Some people will ask how they can help, and other people will just give, or do, because they think it helps. It is all INCREDIBLY nice of them. Be upfront about the help you do, and don’t, want or need. If you want people to come over, cool. If you don’t, that’s cool too. You don’t have to blame Covid, just be honest. Someone offering to cook when you know they don’t know how to boil water, isn’t helpful. Tell them thank you, and maybe ask them for a gift card for DoorDash. You’ll know by day 2 what will and won’t be helpful around your home. If it’s food, tell them. If it’s cleaning, tell them. If it’s hey can you come over for like 2 hours in the middle of the day so I can take a nap, tell them. 

* You are responsible for taking care of a new person now. You’re also still responsible for taking care of yourself. Brush your teeth, take a shower, put your deodorant on. Coordinate with your partner. You’re no good to your kid if you’re no good to yourself. If you feel overwhelmed with this, refer to the point above.

* Over-love your pets when you get home. They’ve been the center of your attention up to this point. This is a huge change for them, too. There are going to be a lot of people coming over who are there to see someone else now. We have made a dedicated effort towards our dogs (our cat, meh) to let them know how loved they still are. There’s even a dog bed in the nursery and we try as best we can to make all the efforts we did before towards them.

There are already a million other things I could say, but those are some of the big ones I’ve found so far. I’m only a week into this and I absolutely love it. Our beautiful daughter has already brought us so much joy and I can’t imagine life without her. She has made me feel a love I’ve never felt before, and has only made my love for Jenny even stronger, which I didn’t think was possible. 

Seriously, paper plates.